1. You use sex as currency. “I’ll do the dishes if you go down on me.” “We can have sex if you fold the laundry.” The first couple of times you do this, you feel weird about it, but then you find out all of your friends in LTRs do it too and it’s just a great way to prevent a dumb argument neither of you have time for.
2. He can make you climax quickly because he’s done this enough times to know how you operate. You can do the same for him, but that’s always been the case because — oh, right — he’s a man.
3. You can openly ask for sex things like you’re asking him to pick up milk from the store. You’re at Williams-Sonoma exchanging wine glasses and realize you’re overdue for your next orgasm. “Will you give me an orgasm after we go to Whole Foods?” “You got it, babe.”
4. You make bets in which sexual favors are the prize. “I’m positive I’m right about the atmospheric composition of Mars.” “If I’m right, you have to let me have my friends over to watch the game tomorrow.” “How about I just blow you instead?”
5. You sometimes end up in new positions but always end up reverting back to one of your usual three. And you don’t care because “spicing it up” is overrated.
6. You don’t even think about doing a serious waxing/shaving job down there unless you’re going to the beach. Because waxing is the worst and if he really cared about you being hairless you wouldn’t have been together for so long anyway.
7. “I just took a shower” is foreplay. When you’ve been really busy and have barely seen each other in the last week or two much less done it with each other, he knows to stalk you as you get out of the shower so he can just rip your towel off and you two can have at each other.
8. You don’t talk about your sex life with your friends. Matter of fact, you never really did for as long as you’ve been with your significant other because it’s always been kind of otherworldly and you never needed anyone else’s input on it.
9. He always seems surprised by your period. He’s had years to figure out the timing but never bothers to remember. In fact, if you were pregnant he probably wouldn’t notice until you either told him you had a bun in your oven or had to go shopping for maternity jeans.
10. You’ve had sex on pretty much every sex-able surface in your house. But you mostly just do it in your bed. You own a nice, large bed for more reasons than being able to sprawl out for naps with your cat.
11. When your single friends brag about their ~*MiNd-bLoWiNg*~ one-night stands, all you can think is how you’re so glad you have one flawless human to cuddle every night. When you have consistently great sex you don’t feel the need to talk about any of it.
12. If you have drunk sex and one of you passes out, the other can acceptably be like WTF? when you wake up. You don’t just lie there and stew, or feel used, you punch him in the arm to see how dead he is and when he doesn’t wake up until the morning you can tease him about it and make him make you waffles to make up for it.
13. Vacation sex never gets old. Honeymoons exist for a reason and that reason is vacation sex.Boning in a seaside resort on a Tuesday afternoon after you’ve shared a bottle of Champagne is just always better than doing it in your bed at home when you’re, like, aware of your iPhone.
14. You’ve tried sexXxy lingerie but he still always just wants to pounce on you when you’re wearing jeans and a T-shirt. You wonder why, when you were dating, you ever bothered with all those eyeliner tricks and uncomfortable shoes.
15. You can look at each other mid-oral and not feel self-conscious about it. As long as one of you isn’t looking at the clock or realizing how cute the cat is, there’s no wrong or awkward place to look.
16. If something funny or weird happens, you can both laugh at it or talk about it right then and there, and it won’t be The Worst. You threw a condom at him and the foil edge hit his balls. Sorry, honey/LOL.
17. Having sex isn’t about getting a great story for brunch the next day or breaking a dry spell or just getting your rocks off. It’s about love.